Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
