non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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