Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
