One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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