if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
