Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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