I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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