you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
