A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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