If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
