I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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