I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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