At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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