my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
