she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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