Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
