When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
