Banned from zoo.
Again?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
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She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
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I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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