I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
