dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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