Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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