Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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