A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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