when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize