she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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