So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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