Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
