I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
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Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
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Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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