Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
