No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
