Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I don't think brook has ever known best
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
