dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
