Can Purell be used as lube?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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