The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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