do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
