And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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