Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
