The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
