It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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