its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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