my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
