The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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