I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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