i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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