I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
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When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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