Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
