I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
