I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
