The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
