Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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