Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
