Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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