Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she told me i tasted like america
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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