an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize