We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
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He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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