I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
