because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
