And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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