If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
