What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
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She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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