I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
