FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
