hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
