I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
