The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
