You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
