is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
