R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
this boner is exhausting
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
