it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
