Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
