i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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