I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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