I bet he comes in French.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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