i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
