im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
