I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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