it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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