i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
