I saw his package. It spoke to me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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