it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
