Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
