I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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