you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
As shirtless as possible
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
