Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We are two peas in an std pod
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
